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Page 26
"And almost as he spoke
Emilio came
And asked no question, but said instantly,
'My Lota, my pledged wife, soul of my life,'
And took my hand, and bade my father bless us.
"Ah me! he seemed so happy, and I felt
A joy swell up in me because I was
So much to him, and, looking in his face,
I thought I loved him, and I let him put
His ruby snake upon my finger - Look
I wear it now again, it is best so.
And after he was gone I could not tell
If I was glad or sorry to be his,
But felt that I was his. I did not wish
To take my promise back. I was afraid
And I was hopeful; and which most I was
I know no more to-day than I knew then.
"We married. And the shadows came at once.
He seemed to love me - one might almost say
He must have loved me, he so seemed to love -
But his love was like the heated desert wind
That scorches and that stifles, like the breath
Of lush magnolias when the air is close;
I fainted in it, longed to fly away
To the cool freshness of my former days,
To the mild restful love my father gave.
My husband felt my shrinking and would swerve
Sudden in his hot love-gusts, darkening down
Into a sullen or a stormy grief,
Or flashing into some strange jealousy;
Until I shrank the more and only longed
To be away, out of his reach; as birds
Just caught and wild must try to burst the hold
Of hot strong hands that pet them. And I beat
My helpless wings and battled, as birds will,
For freedom, with a feeble wilfulness
That makes the captor angry.
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